Hi, sweet baby girl. I miss you so much. It's been a whole month since we first held you in our arms. It feels like it's been the longest month. Time just seems to stand still without you. I remember when you were in my belly and I was frantically trying to get everything just perfect for when we would bring you home; there just didn't seem like enough time to get it all done, but I did (all except for the meals I wanted to make and freeze so daddy and would have something to eat while we were busy taking care of you). Then I went into labor earlier than we had planned and none of that mattered anymore. I wish I had taken more time in those last few weeks to just sit with you and feel you in my tummy. I wish I had played more music for you, talked to you more. If I had known those were to be our last few days together I would have done so much more for you - paid so much more attention to you. This month has seemed so long without you, sweetheart. All the days that daddy and I have spent just sitting around with nothing to do but miss you have seemed so long. I can remember being sure that hours had passed but when I looked at the clock it was really three hours earlier than I had thought it was. It really seemed so cruel to me, how slowly the days would take to end. Not only did we not have you home with us, but the days crept by so slowly, as if to mock us as we sat listless on the couch, just waiting to get tired enough to drag ourselves back upstairs to bed and repeat the whole cycle over again. Our days aren't quite so dismal now, but we are always missing you. We keep each other strong and support one another, which makes things bearable now, but there is always sadness in the background. I can't imagine how many times I say your name in my head throughout each day. You are constantly on my mind. I think of how absolutely beautiful you were, how natural it felt to hold you, how I proud I was to be your mommy, how absolutely amazing it was to hold you as you, daddy and I slept together that first night in the hospital bed. We all fit together in that tiny bed - our perfect family. I never want to forget the time we had with you, baby girl. I am so afraid that as time goes on that I'll forget what it felt like to hold you. I'm so glad we have so many pictures of you that we can look at when we miss you. Did you know that every night daddy and I look at your pictures, kiss you and tell you how much we love you as we say goodnight to you? I'm sure you do. I'm sure you're always with us. I can't wait until we can be with you again in Heaven, sweetie. I hope your grandpa and great grandma are taking good care of you and keeping you company. I miss both of them very much too. Will you tell them hello for your momma? I can't wait to see all of you again in Heaven some day. I'm trying to be extra good so I can see you some day, sweetheart. Mommy loves you so so very much. I think of you ALL the time and wish so badly that we could be together. I will write you again soon, angel.
I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the fish in the sea.
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